Boost

I work a part-time job Thursday through Saturday. It's those days when I knew reaching my daily writing goal would the most difficult. On Thursday and Friday, I watch my son all day long and only hand him off to my wife as I am on my way to work. After that I work until late and then come home to write. Sometimes I get some work done if he naps really well in the afternoon, but that's far from a given. And I also use my breaks at work to peck away at my writing, but, again, it's rare that I am able to get my daily goal that way.

Today I didn't get home until just before midnight. Beat from a full day with my son and a nearly full work day at the job. I really wondered how I'd have it in me to finish what I need to. Then my wife showed me something my son had wanted me to have. It's a business card-sized piece of paper. My son dictated a note to me for my wife to transcribe. He then ordered her to place it under my pillow for me to find.

In case you can't read the writing in the photo, it says:

"Daddy,

This is a

surprise for

Halloween.

Good morning!

Good night.

I love my

Daddy.

Oscar"

After seeing that, I felt like I could stay up as long as I needed to to make this happen.

And here's the daily word count:

Words for the day: 1,127

Words for the month: 5,660

If I am able to reach 7,000 words tomorrow (a not-unreasonable goal) then I'll be taking Sunday off from new writing to work on the revisions for a short story.

My Playlist for the Melissa

Done just because.

We Used to Wait by Arcade Fire

Sometimes pop songs, despite their ephemeral nature, can really speak to me. This song, a love letter to writing letters to your love, grabbed both me and Melissa the first time we listened to it. Maybe it's just our generation's tendency to navel gaze, but lines like:



"So I never wrote a letter

I never took my true heart I never wrote it down

So when the lights cut out

I was left standing in the wilderness downtown"



and:



"It seems strange to think

How we used to wait for letters to arrive

But what's stranger still

Is how something so small can keep you alive"



seem designed to invoke emotions in us that we forgot existed. Especially since we both used to be big time letter-writers.

Dance Me to the End of Love by Leonard Cohen

The first song that Melissa and I danced to at our wedding. A love song from Mr Cohen that is without irony or cynicism seems pretty specially.

Move the Earth by Dr Theopolis

Melissa knows why.

Videos

Apparently I have abdicated the chronicling of our son's young life to my wife. Over at her blog, post post partum, Melissa posted several recent videos of the Sprout. Go and watch, and be prepared for cuteness overload.

Even more photos

Plenty of new photos, most of these centered around Melissa and Oscar's birthday open house, up on our flickr page.

Happy birthday!

Today is The Wife's birthday. She took the day off and we spent a lazy day together. It's been a great day--just as it's been a great few years since I met her.

I am a lucky, lucky man.

Craig Kreutz 1923-2009

Melissa's grandfather, Craig, passed away Saturday morning. Here is the obituary written by Melissa's dad and aunt:

Craig Wheaton Kreutz died peacefully on March 28, 2009 in La Grande Oregon at the home of his oldest son, after a short battle with cancer. He was born on June 16, 1923 in White Salmon Wa. and after 4 months his family moved to Oregon where he resided for the rest of his life. Craig was a WWII veteran, serving in the 6th Army Division in the Phillipines and New Guinea. He married his childhood sweetheart, Pauline Weitzel at age 19 and they had 3 children, C.B., Barbara, and Rod. After Pauline died in 1981 he found companionship and love with a long-time friend, Alice Martin. In addition to his 3 children Craig is survived by 6 grandchildren, and 6 great grandchildren.

Craig retired from his woodworking business in 1980 and spent many happy times in Baja Mexico and on the Oregon and Washington coast with family and friends.

We don't know what our lives will be like without this gentle man, but when something breaks, we will hear him say, "everything wears out" and when we become impatient with another human being, we will hear him say, "he's doing the best he can with the tools he's got." And we will thank God for the time we had with him.

A celebration of his life will be held in the Portland area with the date and location to be announced at a later time. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made in his name to a charity of your choice.

I'm just going to reiterate what a sweet guy Craig was. He was quick to laugh, he loved to talk, and he wouldn't turn down a beer if offered one. And he'd probably put a shake or two of salt in, too, if any was available. There are a lot of reason I wish I'd met Melissa sooner; one of them was so I could have had a chance to get to know her grandpa better.

Good-bye, Craig, we'll miss you.

Film at 11.

The wife, who is a better human than myself, has beat me to the punch where posting videos of our offspring is concerned. Go and watch the first one and prepare to need an insulin shot when you're done. And for those who are wondering: yes, that sound you hear at about the :20 second mark is our son blowing a respectable fart.

Your Oscar update

Despite the fact that he's nearly seven months old, Oscar had his six month checkup today. He's doing swell, thanks. The doctor walked into the exam room and nearly shouted, "Oh, he's so gorgeous" There was more to the exam than this, of course. We asked many questions we had and the doctor did her best to assure us that nothing is really out of the ordinary with the little man.

The highlight, for Melissa and me, was the Weighing and Measuring of the Baby. He weighed in at 18 lbs, 5.5 oz, which is in the 55th percentile; and his height, or length since he's mostly horizontal these days, was 27.5 inches, which is in the 76th percentile.

Today was also the day Oscar received his first vaccination -- given that Oscar breast feeds and is cared for at home and therefore has little contact with other babies, Melissa and I decided to delay the start of the vaccination process. We'd been worried about how Oscar would react to the shot. Basically, we didn't want to see Oscar cry in pain. We needn't have worried. The nurse rubbed down his thigh with alcohol, which certainly got Oscar's attention since it's so cold, then she stuck him with the needle. Oscar looked at his thigh with the needle in it with a certain concerned curiosity. Then the needle cme out and a bandage was applied and about five seconds later, Oscar was giggling and just as happy as he ever is. He is amazing.

Below, are two photos: the bandage on his (ample) thigh, and him smiling right after the shot.



A few more recent photos can be found on our flickr page.

This concludes your Oscar update.

A half-birthday is so a thing...

This is just to say: Oscar turned six months old today! He's been outside the womb and in our lives for SIX MONTHS. Who'd believe it?

I have to say this. Prior to having Oscar, I was pretty ambivalent about having offspring. Umm... Ambivalent to hostile, actually. I also never wanted to get married, either. Then I met Melissa, and wanted nothing but to get married. And then I wanted to have a wee one with her, and that led to Oscar. I could never have imagined the rush of love I feel for him, and for the life he's given me. I've been trying to think lately exactly what this feeling is, and the closest I've been able to come to it is this: I feel like a broken vessel, unable to contain all of the joy within me. Everthing that I used to do for selfish reason (i.e., achieve success in comics; move on to other, more lucrative forms of writing; travel), I now either no longer want to do, or I want to do them, but only because it means that it will lead to greater security for my family. I believe that it would be impossible to explain to someone without children what this feels like.

So, happy half-birthday, little Mister. I can't wait to see all the things we can accomplish.

An apple a day....

Tomorrow, that is, Wednesday, October 1, will be the start of the fifth week of my being sick.

I went to the doctor's again today and finally had some chest x-rays and blood work done. The x-rays came back clear (despite the phlegm I've been coughing up for the last week-and-a-half), and the blood work shows that I have an unspecified virus. This is annoying in the extreme. I want a disease I can name, put my finger on, and irradicate. I've been ill for more than a month now. More than a month of zero energy, chills, sweats, aches, coughing; more than a month where I've barely been able to care for Oscar (all of that has fallen to Melissa, despite her full-time schedule at work) and where I have written not a word.

I just want it to go away. The doctor says that if it's still around in another week, he wants to schedule more aggressive testing.

If you have any positive thoughts to spare, could you send 'em my way?

What have I been up to? OK, you asked for it...

I've not had much of a presence here of late. One of the by-products of Oscar's appearance in the world, I suppose. Any writing time I have goes toward actual projects and not to maintaining this journal. Though I am still twittering with some regularity. (A digression: I like twitter. Micro blogging; nearly context-free journaling to the tune of 140 characters at a pop. It's easy to dip into and out of the site as my attention wavers from whatever project I happen to be writing at the moment. End of digression.)

Speaking of projects. Here's my attempt to work some stuff out. You can either come along for the ride, or not, as you see fit.

I seem to be seeking out and creating projects for myself at an alarming (to me) rate. I just finished writing the second volume of Gear School (and actually still owe Dave Land a re-write of one scene); I've delivered to Todd Demong one chapter of the next volume of 100 Girls and need to write six more; There's the proposal for a new comic, Dalton, which I've sent off, also to Todd, for him to drew sample pages--if that book finds a publisher, that'll be some more writing on my plate; and, finally, there's the Portland Creative Conference talk I give in about two weeks which I have not yet begun to write.

One would think that was enough to keep one busy, wouldn't one; especially considering the fact that one is now also primary caregiver for a nearly four-month old. But, no, apparently it is not enough.

Ever since I graduated from The Evergreen State College ten years ago, I have thought off and on about attending an MFA in writing program. Actually, for a long time I held out hope that Evergreen would start such a program with my instructor, Bill Ransom, at the helm. If this ever happened, I'd quite whatever I was doing and move back to Olympia in a heartbeat. But, alas, it looks like that will never happen. My enthusiasm for an MFA has waned as I came to the realization that, despite my best efforts, I seem to be a genre writer. I love mystery, SF, and fantasy and would love to write them as well. These are genres that are , from what I gather, frowned upon in most MFA programs. These programs would prefer that students concentrate in more “realistic” kinds of writing. Fair enough, just not for me. It was actually something of a relief to to come to this conclusion a few years ago: I could strike that from my list of things to do with my life.

But (my old writing instructor, Steve Schoen, would call that the “golden But”) things have changes. A month or so ago, I found an interview with Kelly Link. Link is a SF writer who I admire a great deal. She writes fable-like stories grounded in the real world that all manage to be original and startling. She's writing just the types of stories I'd like to be writing. In the interview, she mentioned that she taught at a low-residency MFA program in Maine. And, here's the best part, the Maine MFA offered a concentration in popular fiction. For “popular” read “genre.” Damn. I looked into the program and it looks like exactly what I want to be doing. I am now hip deep in researching other MFA programs that may offer, or at least tolerate, genre writers because, hey, you want to improve your chances of being accepted and apply to a few different programs, am I right?

Finally: I have an insane idea for an on-line comics anthology. Despite the fact that a few folks have told me that it will make no money and be a time sink for the next couple of years at least, I just keep going ahead and working out exactly how I could do it. I really feel that I must be stopped.

Several things seem to have brought this all into focus for me: having and caring for Oscar, my high school reunion (!) and being asked to speak at the Creative Conference. Actually, I've made the joke several times that I feel like I'm going through a midlife crisis and instead of buying a sports car or cheating on my wife, I keep taking on and dreaming up projects to work on. Only... well, every time I make the joke, it feels a lot less like a joke. At exactly the time that I should be slowing down and concentrating on my life, both professional and personal, I crave taking on more and more to do. Is it a distraction I'm seeking? Is it that I feel a need to define myself in some new way? Honestly, I have no clue. But I do realize that I need to come to terms with what's going on and curb, or at least curtail, it. I can imagine a scenario where I try and do everything on my list and end up accomplishing none of it, thereby destroying even those projects that are concrete. Ugh.

I wish I had a way to wrap up this post in a way that would make everything clear, that would in some way resolve it, but I think that as I'm in the middle of figuring it all out, it will have to end in a fuzzy, messy way.

Oh, wait: I could end by also mentioning that I wrote to an editor friend of mine asking to sub,it an idea to him, and that there's always the novel I've been working on for a good two years. Yes, things are looking up!

Stay tuned for updates.

Inconceivable

Somehow my lovely wife beat me to the punch and is the first to put video up on her blog. Not that I'm upset or anything. >seethes<

Anyway, You should visit this post and watch a short video of my two favorite humans.

I'm a traveling man, don't tie me down...

Oscar, Melissa, and I did a fair amount of traveling and socializing this week.

On Tuesday, Sarah and Stuart brought us dinner and we sat around talking for a good long time. Sarah is just returned from her first grad school residency. She seemed really jazzed about about the whole program, though the amount of work she has to do is daunting to say the least. Good luck to her.

We had a pediatrician's visit on Wednesday. Oscar clocked in at 12 lbs., 13 oz. and 23.5 inches long. Melissa and I had a list of questions and concerns for the doctor (most having to do with his poop) and the doctor did her best to assure us that, based on Oscar's weight gain and obvious happiness, we're doing everything right and that he is, in general, just fine. It's always nice to have that little bit of hand-holding.

Thursday found us traveling to Portland where we visit my old stomping grounds at Dark Horse. I was on the phone a couple of weeks ago with DH's managing editor, Davey Estrada, and he suggested that I come visit and bring Oscar to see the joint, so I figured I'd take him up on it (annoyingly, our camera's battery ran out and we have no photos of Oscar meeting all of these folks). I got to say howdy to some folks I hadn't seen in a while (Mike Denning, a curmudgeon from way back, couldn't wait for a chance to hold the baby -- it was super cute), Davey bought us lunch, and I walked out of the office with a stack of books nearly as tall as Oscar. One of the highlights was when Katie Moody, editrix extraordinaire, hung out with us in an empty office the whole time that Melissa nursed Oscar. I've always liked Katie and haven't spent nearly as much time with her as I'd like, so it was cool to have so much of her time.

Because we were in town, and since Oscar was doing so well, we decided to visit Melissa's grandpa, Craig, at the assisted living facility where he lives. We called and asked if was available and he told us he was and that the facility was having a BBQ. He'd get us tickets to attend. Great, I love me the grilled meats. Normally the trip from DH to the facility would take fifteen, twenty minutes, but when we hit a wall of traffic more than a mile from the freeway entrance, I knew we were in trouble. What we didn't know then was that there had earlier been a high-speed chase involving a bank robber and half the police in Clackamas County. This resulted in a crash that shut down all North-bound lanes of traffic on I-205. Long story short; that fifteen minute trip took more than two hours. But when we finally got to the facility, the BBQ was still going strong, we ate some incredible food, and were serenaded by an actual oompa band. These are experiences I don't have every day.

Friday was the fourth of July and that meant a parade in Monmoth. Oscar's first, though he slept through it. Maybe next ear he'll be sitting with the other kids, scrambling out to get candy thrown by the floats and firetrucks and whatnot. Or I may have to do it for him if I want to make sure and get some of the good stuff.
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Later that evening, we went to another BBQ, this one at Sarah and Stuart's. Our friends, Jim and Stephanie, were there, too, and we were joined by a friend of Stuart's, Shannon. It was nice to sit outside, sip some beer, eat some good food (even if it was tofu!), and talk with our friends. We feel amazingly lucky that Oscar's temperament allows us to do that.

Saturday and Sunday, we stayed close to home, only taking a little time to meet Vicki for breakfast at the Original Pancake House, the restaurant that serves crack coffee. I'm not kidding, this coffee is so good, it has street-value.

Other than that, I finished the Gear School script (about which I have previously written)and sent it off to my editor and I got a good start on the proposal for the next book I want to write.

I swear, it seems like the good days just keep piling up.

Catch-up, part deux

Let's see, what's happened since I last wrote that I might want to mention?

Oh, right, I got laid off. This was actually a pretty good thing all things considered. It means that I get to spend more time with Melissa and Oscar as I look for work. I can also devote a few hours each day to writing, which is what I've been doing (this last sentence for the benefit of any editor or artist to whom I might owe a script). All in all, I'm very happy with the current situation.

OK, let's get to the bullet points!

• As of last week, Oscar weighed 9 lbs, 13 oz., with all his clothes on. I'll update the weight again after tomorrow's clinic visit.

• Last week was my birthday (your gift must have gotten lost in the mail). Melissa managed to go to the store and bake me a cake while I was out for a little while. She is Superwife! She also got me some cool presents: Raising Arizona (one of my favorite movies) on DVD, the next volume in The Complete Peanuts, and the new Mates of State CD (to which I am currently listening). It was a good b-day.

• Lots of visitors! Oscar's great aunt, Pat; his grandpa, CB, and CB's girlfriend, Rebecca; our friend, and the man who officiated at our public wedding, Scott Hossner; and his grandma, Sue, and her friend, Cindy. Oscar is quite the social butterfly.

•I had my first solo outing with Oscar. We went to the grocery store and the hour passed in a state (for me) of abject terror, but without incident. Oscar was content to sleep through most of the trip.

• We went to a Memorial Day BBQ at the Blairs and hung out with (mostly) other new parents and their progeny.

• Oscar officially outgrew the newborn diapers and has moved on to the stage 1. He is working hard to fill these new, larger diapers.

• Saturday found us at the Saturday market where we ran into, seemingly, everyone we know that lives in Salem. It was fun showing off the Sprout to everyone.

• Finally, Vicki visited and, being an excellent guest, brought Blizzards from DQ with her. She is always welcome in our home.

There should be new photos up on the flickr page in the next day or two. And I promise to update more often. Honest.

Happy Mother's Day!

Melissa celebrated her first Mother's Day today with me and Oscar and her mom. There were a few gifts and cards and lots of happy tears. Some of those tears may have been because Sue, Melissa's mom is leaving us today after two weeks of caring for all three of us. It's a little scary to think that we now have to handle the Sprout all by ourselves. I think we may be up to the challenge.


Speaking of the Sprout, his weight is up. He now clocks in (can weight clock in?) at 7lbs, 3 oz. We're amazingly happy with his weight gain. We want nothing less than a fat, happy baby. He's also sleeping well at night. We have him in the bassinet in the bedroom with us at night and he does very well. I usually have to stay up with him until about 1 or 2 in the morning -- walking with him, singing to him. This is the time when he's the most fussy. After that, he sleeps right through. Melissa actually has to wake him up to take a feeding in the middle of the night. The fact that he's sleeping so well is an immense relief to us, as you can imagine. We hope it lasts.

Up all night; Visitors; Weight gain

We had a long, somewhat drawn-out weekend. Sleep deprivation makes all time coalesce into a foggy, timeless NOW. If that makes sense.

Saturday, I went to Free Comic Book Day at Danger Zone and had a nice time. I met quite a few people, sold a few books, and felt guilty for not being with the family. But I think it was good for me. I hover too much. When we have him in the bassinet or the car seat, I can't resist just standing over him and staring. And I sometimes have trouble sleeping (and sleep is so precious right now) because I lay there worried about how Oscar is doing RIGHT THIS MOMENT. We'll get it worked out, I'm sure.

My brother and his family came over on Saturday after FCBD. I felt bad because I spent about an hour with them before I had to go to sleep.

Here are some more vital statistics for Oscar: As of today, he weighs more than his birth weight. 6 lbs, 13 oz and measured 20.25 inches. Everyone, including his very tired parents, are very proud of his growth. It's amazing how much he's changed in his a little over a week. His cheeks are filling out and he's gaining a little Buddha belly.

Speaking of his belly, we think Oscar may have pulled his umbilical stump out. He has a habit of gripping very tightly onto his stomach. This freaks out Melissa and me. Last night we noticed the bloody stump hanging off his belly by a single thread. Ugh. The doctor says this is nothing to worry about.

Over the last few days, we've had a small parade of visitors come by and see our Little Man. Jim, Stephanie, and Vicky visited us in the hospital. Since coming home we've seen Kobi, Bryan, Journey and Dixon Blair; Sarah Evans and Stuart Rue; Angela Yeager; my brother's family; Tanya and Jerry and the kids; Kate Evans; and Murray and Patie (who brought us a beautiful home-made blanket. Everyone coos appropriately over how handsome Oscar is. All of our friends have really good taste.

More photos of these last few days up on our flickr page soon.

The Milkman Cometh*

Oscar gained another two ounces today. He was weighed at our latest appointment with the lactation specialist. She had a lot of praise for the routine we're following and for Melissa's technique. Score!

We're gonna continue with the routine of thirty minutes feeding, pumping and feeding the milk we get to Oscar, supplemented with formula. Please note that I say "we" though I am not really expressing any milk. After this weekend, we hope that we'll be able to cut out the formula.

And, big news, Melissa's milk is coming in!

More minutia about Oscar's feeding schedule as events warrant.

*I really, really hate puns, but, man, I couldn't resist.

Days one and two at home

We've had the Sprout home for three days now. The first night was... rough.

Oscar was still not really feeding, and Melissa's milk hadn't come in, and he was obviously hungry. He cried all night long and, my God, it was just heart breaking. Hearing him cry, wail, and even knowing why, but not being able to do anything about it but hold him,rock him, walk with him. My hips hurt the next morning because I'd walked and swayed him so much.

But that morning, this would be Wednesday, we took him to the lactation specialist. She weighed him (down to 6 lbs, 1 oz) and counseled Melissa on feeding techniques. For the most part, Oscar is latching on to Melissa's breast, but there was no milk there for him, which is common. I have to take a moment and shake my fist at evolution. Why is it that at just the moment that mom and child are trying to figure out the whole feeding thing, the body decides it should take a few days for there to actually be milk. And I know that there's colostrum there for the little guy, but it doesn't fill his tummy.

Anyway, the lactation specialist, concerned about his weight and about a yellowish tinge he's taking on due to slight jaundice (also caused by how little he's eating) has us supplementing what he's getting at the breast with an ounce of formula at each feeding. The change has been amazing. We had him weighed at his first wellness visit today and overnight he'd gained two ounces. He's sleeping soundly -- he has to be woken to take a feeding, actually -- and he just seems overall more content. Now that Melissa's milk seems to be coming in, we're hoping to soon be able to cut out the formula.

Also at his appointment today, they tested the level of bilirubin in his blood (the cause of the jaundice) and found it only slightly elevated. The doctor wasn't concerned and believes it'll dissipate as oscar gains weight.

We've settled into a routine here, feeding every three hours. Melissa will rest or sleep as she's able, her mom, Sue and I assisting as we can. Sue and I also take turns sleeping so that someone is always up with Melissa and Oscar. Without talking about, the night shift has fallen to me, but that's fine since I'm a night owl anyway. It's been a God-send, having Sue here with us. I don't know how Melissa and I would have managed without her. Besides spotting me so I can sleep, she's cooked us meals, walked with and comforted Oscar -- basically made it so we can feel sane for the last few days. She'l be with us through the end of next week. I hope we'll be okay after that.

Photos up

The first batch of photos, mostly documenting the labor and first morning of Oscar's life, are now up on our flickr page.

Oscar updated

And this is the update I sent the following day.

Just a quick update to let you all know that Oscar is doing much better. I'm sure that your prayers and well-wishes helped. And thanks for those, by the way. I just read all of your responses and was literally overwhelmed.

Oscar was able to join Melissa and me in our room around 2:30 this morning. The nurses took him off oxygen and bathed him and he responded well to both those things. He fussed until we put him skin-to-skin on Melissa's chest and he calmed right down. (I usually have the opposite reaction.) He hasn't fed yet, but no one seems overly concerned about that. Everyone is guessing that somewhere around the twenty-four hour mark his instincts and hunger will kick in.

Oh, and we have his vitals now, too: He weighed 6lbs, 10 oz and measured 19 inches in length.

One correction: In last night's email, I said that Oscar joined us at 7:47 p.m.. I was wrong. It was 7:37. Melissa is already chastising me for not knowing how old our son is.